This isn't mine,it was actually written for myspace. It'll work here.
Adventures of Undignified 6:22
a.k.a The Trip In Which We Leave Our Dignity Behind
Adam’s Log
Day 1
8:52 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
Upon leaving our known Rutvegas territory, we find our mission: to explore the uncharted territory of New Hampshire…the armpit of America, if you will. Our destination: Wolfeboro. As we proceed, we find a scenic view to our right and numerous, numerous McDonald’s. Not really. In reality, there are only two. After taking our pimp’ED Toyota out of ludicrous speed, we find that we….pretty much…..didn’t…make it…very….far. BUT!! I spite of all this, we also find that this strange galaxy we know as New Hampshire has absolutely NOTHING to offer the world. Other than….massive…forests of pine trees. And a few lumberjacks. At 9:13 in the evening, we find our spirits renewed at the promise of pizza and cold drinks waiting for us at our destination. Also, lots of people think Jed has his high beams on, when simply it is the simple fact that our pimp-ED out van….more like a honey-mobile, a.k.a babe-magnet….radiates coolness and…basically everything cool, thus causing the obstacles of peeling ladies off the honey-wagon as we peel out of Mickey D’s parking lots with blinding speed. There is a slim possibility that this has to do with the extreme sexiness radiating off of lead guitarist/singer/bassist/drummer/manager, Adam Falco. Also, come to find out, Josh Otey, a Vergennes cop, has absolutely NO jurisdiction here in New Hampshire, thus causing Jed to slow the crap down. Sorta. As a side note, Josh Otey, the afore mentioned peace officer, humbly answered the call of duty in the White River Junction when a young woman (38) was involved in a tragic accident while parked at a gas station when her young daughter slammed her door on her leg, thus causing said lady to expel the contents of her previous meal onto the asphalt, resulting in extreme displeasure with the employees of said gas station. And….generally lowering morale. It was comforting to know that White River rescue squads were able to arrive with lightning quick reaction and discipline, perseverance, fortitude, against insurmountable odds…that is to say…puke on pavement. It is yet to be determined who the lucky janitor will be to clean up said puke on said pavement. And, uh, one more thing. Are we freakin’ there yet?
May the Schwartz be with you.
p.s.
Murphy’s Law:
The shortest distance between two points………….dramatic pause……….is ALWAYS under construction.
Adam’s Log
Day 2
3:25 a.m. Pacific Standard Time
Picking up on where we left off last night, after driving down the road much-traveled many times, we find that, in the middle of writing this log, we were temporarily blinded…sidetracked, if you will by the intense magnificence of the New Hampshire pine forests. After having passed the church many times, we found a little pathway….of….dirt that finally took us to our destination. Upon our arrival, we found some very valuable things waiting for us on the other side: pizza. Lots and lots of pizza. And very…small bottles….of water. Midget bottles. Or, to be more politically correct….little people bottles. After some much-needed R&R, we woke to find our beds moving…no, man. Really moving. Seriously. At about 5:30 this morning (Eastern Standard Time), my fellow band members apparently felt the need to wake. I was not easily persuaded, however, but I did find myself more eager as it was announced that we were heading to a local American institution: the Dunkin’ Donuts of Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. After refueling and eliminating waste, we find ourselves currently searching for a kind resident to let us bask in the luxurious H2O currently located in the Lake of ….Whateverthecrapit’scalled, off of their dock. Our mission, needless to say, is not accomplished at the moment. However, we are getting mightilly close. I can feel it. Okay. I guess I can’t. Also, at the current moment, we find ourselves turning around and heading back to our place of residency. We have also concluded that you cannot over-exert yourself on a full stomach of Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s just not meant to be. It’s not the way God intended it, okay? Josh Otey, apparently, didn’t get that memo. Okay. Well, I guess that you will be getting a report on how today’s adventures better influenced the overall atmosphere of Wolfeboro, New Hampshire…later on…today.
May the Schwartz be with you.
p.s.
O’Tool’s commentary on Murphy’s Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
Adam’s Log
Day 2
8:42 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
So, to conclude the day’s….whatever this is, today went very well. Very well, indeed. The music went very well with no setbacks. Except the fact that Josh’s sound system kept shutting itself off because we had way too much power from mikes running into it. But, what you people out there don’t know is, us guys consider that a compliment. MORE FREAKIN’ POWER, BABY!!! And, uh, hotdogs and cold lemonade definitely hit the spot. Definitely. During our rest/end of set, we found ourselves comforted by the intense and friendly hospitality given to us by the church. After our second and final set ended, we found the need to move our equipment into the church for tomorrow’s service. After this, however, we found extreme refreshment and leisure time well spent in the local Lake Whateverthecrapit’scalled. The water was cool, but not too cool, and very inviting. And we also found that Shawn caves under pressure…that is, the pressure of about 4 guys weighing well over 100 pounds on his shoulders. Like, literally on his shoulders. It was very funny and entertaining to see the various facial expressions on Shawn’s face as various band members dug (buried, even) their ankles/toes into his shoulders. The prelude to our dinner was a stop at a snack shop for the cream of ice. Very delicious cream of ice, to be exact. The medium sized 1-foot tall cone Jed received looked to be a result of the fact that Jed’s Irishness was apparent, owing to the fact that everyone loves an Irishman. Dinner proved to be located at the former pastor’s house. It consisted of ham sandwiches, homemade pickles, Vienna fingers, and grapes. Dinner showed itself as an enlightening time as we sat around a table of young men discussing stupid jokes, audio/visual entertainment (a.k.a. violent movies), and which of those movies are better than others. We also generally conclude that, if you are in the mood for good, clean, killing, Gladiator definitely tops the list. No, in all seriousness, Gladiator is a great movie if you’re facing that rare occasion that you’re not in the mood for a comedy. As we were prepared to leave, Shawn found himself in a major predicament when his wife asked him the simple question, "so, are you staying here tonight?" Now, if you are a female, you may find this an easy question to answer. Of course! A male should be close to his wife! However, if you are a male, you know that there is another option: camping with the guys. Risking the disappointment of angry women, not to mention the glares (oh, the glares!), I will take this time to mention the fact that camping is a great time for a man to escape from the general hostility we know as the female mind. Okay. I think I can actually feel women starring at this very piece of paper (or, digital paper, depending on whether or not you’re at a computer at the moment, or at a bulletin board) with squinted eyes and snarling lips. As a change of subject, we now find ourselves back in our luxurious RV, ready to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. A guy movie for sure. Let it play, man. Let it play. Also, come to find out, we need this computer to watch it. So, because of this situation, I will end this whatever this is with a "see ya tomorrow." See ya tomorrow.
And may the Schwartz be with you.
A proverb for you:
A bird in hand…dramatic pause…
is better fried.
Adam’s Log
Day 3
2:17 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
After an evening of movie watching, we woke to find ourselves not nearly as refreshed as the previous morning, which is probably due to the fact that we unwillingly sacrificed our sleeping cushions so that the ladies on the trip could have as nice of a sleep as possible. Breakfast consisted of freedom toast, bagels, freedom vanilla coffee, cereal, and basically anything else we could find in the kitchen located in the basement of the church. While breakfast was in session, we had a very interesting time sharing embarrassing/painful sounding stories with each other. These stories consisted of various metallic objects going through body parts, various urination stories, and pretty much anything that could make you squeamish after eating a meal. No one, however, felt the need to relive the experience previously mentioned about that now-infamous White River Junction story. We once again found our morale lowered at the fact that we had slept in just a little too late (about an hour) so basking in the H2O located in Lake Whateverthecrapit’scalled was out of the question. After taking long relaxing showers in the local set tub, we were able to clothe ourselves and brush our teeth (well, dentures in Shawn’s case) which left us ready for church with relatively 2 minutes to spare. The service went well, however, as once again there were no setbacks. Worship and the skits were very well-received by the locals. Upon completion of the church service, we once again found ourselves showered by the friendly hospitality given to us by the local church-goers. Once again, hotdogs, hamburgers, and lemonade were on the menu, which was completely fine with us. Shortly thereafter the meal, packing was on the agenda. Josh Otey, apparently, has his car packed with stuff. So, once again, we had to overload our babe-mobile full of equipment/clothing, because Josh can’t have all that stuff crampin’ his style. We also found ourselves faced with the challenge of peeling girls off of us as we tried to enter our vehicles to depart. Okay. So, everyone came at us with water…and we didn’t really have to peel girls off of us. So what? Marc "Babyface" Triller really DID have the problem of girls coming at him with water. It’s okay, though. ‘Cause when Marc gets water dumped on him, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Marc. Upon departing from the church parking lot, we find that, because we arrived in the evening on the day of the Fri, no part of this small town looks familiar. And…Josh is too big of a chicken to lead, so Jed has to in our honey-wagon. As Jed tries to find the road out of here (my that sounds good right now), I guess I will end this whatever this is so that the female in the back can watch a movie. Whatever. Marc’s such a whiner. I kinda wanna watch a movie, too. Kinda. I will take the time later to fill you in on the conclusion of our Trip In Which We Leave Our Dignity Behind. Until then:
May the Schwartz be with you.
p.s.
An interesting question to ponder:
Why do we park in driveways and drive in parkways? Hmm… very interesting, indeed.
Adam’s Log
Day 3
2:08 p.m. Pacific Standard Time
Well, at the moment, we, the people, find ourselves heading over Killington and about 15 minutes away from Rutland. As this trip draws to a close, we are currently making plans for Jed and Andrew to Peck, I mean pick up their vehicles that are, at present time, located at the Falco family household. Also, we are presently enjoying the mellow-yet-deep tones of David Crowder*Band’s Illuminate CD. He and his band are definitely the main influence of our band. (Just don’t ask Josh or Andrew. They’ll tell you differently. But, they just don’t know that the David Crowder*Band really IS the biggest influence for the Undignified band.) Well, we have made a decision. The original decision to take a back road to get to the Falco home was thrown out the window due to lack of gas-stations on the way. So, we are heading to the local Mobil which is located by the local Home Depot. Jed is hammering on the breaks and yelling at the moment, due to the fact that he really needs to stay awake…because there’s no one else to drive. And now we find ourselves sitting in the parking lot of the afore mentioned gas station. Apparently, the "the afore" in the last sentence is grammatically incorrect according to Microsoft Word. So, I guess it’s a good thing that I don’t give a rat’s behind about being grammatically correct, eh? Yes, it is. A VERY good thing. Anyway, at this time, as opposed to another time, we find ourselves parched from the rigorous travels that have beseeched us. Jed also finds his wallet a little lighter after the $40.17 he just spent to fill up the lady-attracter you now know as the pimpED out Toyota mini-van. Okay. So we still haven’t attracted ANY ladies with this thing. So what? This crew is getting restless as Marc and the extremely sexy lead guitarist/vocalist/bassist/drummer/manager Adam Falco are arguing about the fastest way to get to Adam’s house from the Mobil station. Which is enormously stupid in Adam’s eyes. I mean, I only friggin’ live there. What the crap do I know? Oh well. In the end, they did decided to put differences aside and choose the RIGHT way…my way, of course. I mean, God’s way. I mean…huhhh….never mind. Well, as the battery continues to drain on this laptop, I will say that this mission was an overall success. We had a lot of fun and we’d love to do it again. The New Hampshireians also said they’d love to have us back. And… just to make sure…Josh….gave them…..his card. Alright. Don’t you think I’ve picked on Josh enough during this little whatever this is? Yup. Me neither. Well, have fun. Take care of others. Pursue happiness. And, once again…
May the Schwartz be with you.
p.s.
Gordon’s First Law:
If a research project is not worth doing,
It is not worth doing well.
This microwave (Magic Chef) pictured was ours for over 20 years.That is longer than I've been alive! She has been a wonderful thing, but when the time comes and the curcuits decide that it is time to move on there isn't much anyone can do.
